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The Rise of Bonzergorgon

Updated: Feb 7, 2021

Look Ma, I made it - I'm a blogger on MRagsTV's website, a sentence I dreamt of typing since I was a small boy roaming the suburbs of Boston. When Mrags (I call him Matt since we're co-workers, OneBulletPod) aggressively approached me and said "hey Bonz, you're so good at everything you do but can you blog?" I immediately said hold my Canada Dry and let me show you.


I'm new to the blog game but one thing is for sure - I can bullshit my way through anything. I'm actually only half sure that I even have my bachelor's degree. I dropped every math/science course I took and I never received a diploma in the mail. I wanted to attend graduation but I was so worried that my name would never get called so I skipped. I went for 5.5 years so I'm under the assumption that I have a bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice with a minor in Psychology. I had dreams of being a policeman, but then I realized I'm much tougher online than I am on the streets. Waste of a degree? Maybe, but it did land me a prestigious job as a software salesmen. Again, I can bullshit ANYTHING.


My biggest con job to date, one which I'm most proud of is a few summers ago when I tricked Vice News, a reputable news media show on the HBO network to fly out a journalist and three cameramen to capture me in my element as a - Fortnite Tutor. Now, I was a decent enough Fortnite player but I was never at the "tutor" level. I had BS'd my way through most of my life but this was my biggest challenge yet.. the lights were on me, and so were the cameras. With a help of a Xanax to calm my anxiety, I was ready to roll. There wasn't a question thrown my way by the journalist that I wasn't able to deflect. We filmed for nearly 8 hours and by the end of it, there wasn't a doubt in the room that I was a Fortnite tutor. Was it an asshole move to have 4 people fly on a redeye to Boston from LA? Some say yes, but not completely. I did have coffee and donuts waiting for them when they arrived.


A few days later I noticed I was getting some awkward stares from the neighbors. One morning as I was collecting mail from the community mail box (I live in a townhouse, an expensive one) one of my neighbors asked curiously, what was the camera crew here for? I grinned and said, we're filming a HBO Documentary on my life, I'm an athlete. Now I'm around 5'9 165 lbs. so it was only natural for her to assume that I play football or perhaps basketball. But no, I'm an E-sport athlete. A few short months into my stardom, Thanksgiving time rolled around and my HBO debut had went live a month or so earlier and this is when things got a bit awkward. Picture this, you're 28 years old in a room filled with your wife's family (girlfriend at the time) and her Dad brings up the HBO debut. I can either do one of two things, explain the con story of how you tricked HBO into flying out and recording your bullshit story of being a fake tutor, or you can take one on the chin and say with a straight face that you are in fact a Fortnite tutor. I chose the later. The kids at the dinner table stood up and cheered - "we love Fortnite, we love Fortnite". I heard one of her uncles whisper under his breathe, "Wow, she really picked a winner huh" the family all laughed. I replied, you're damn right she did. He died a year later so I got the last laugh.


So here I am today, I landed a dream job with MRagsTV - My greatest trick to date!


Will I blog again, no fucking clue!




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